Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
