Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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