I can't watch pbs sober anymore
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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