Your face is a jimmy john
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize