awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
