sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
You did what with his pubic hair?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize