Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
