We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
