I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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