Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
