I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
