I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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