i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
