I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize