Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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