i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Farmville is her only friend.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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