Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
