Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
