Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize