I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
