I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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