Do you still have your period?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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