Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
