gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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