In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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