no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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