does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Why is your signature on my underwear?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
