I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
