I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I need water and some morals
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
