Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Just pee around me
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
