Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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