a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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