So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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