Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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