how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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