just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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