My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
