THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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