We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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