i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
