You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
