Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
