My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
