he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
organizing the empties. That sober.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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