She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
