non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I AM VODKA MAN
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Randomize
