do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
