I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
