I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
