I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
