So drunk, too bad you don't want this
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
