Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
