Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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