I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
he just fucked me for my cheese..
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
