so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize