Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
