I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
