You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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