its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
i now understand why vodka
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
