Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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