Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Say something about gay babies.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
