Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
