Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
