You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
