in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
