Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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