No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
