man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
