her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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