When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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