I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
