He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
