I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
