just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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