Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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