Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
