Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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