He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
