Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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